The Music Of His Heart
by Pam2
Summary: Eli is spiraling ever downward--will Grace be able to help him come back up?
1. Default Chapter

"Soggy cereal has got to be one of the nastiest things on this   
earth", Grace thought as she sat at the table poking her breakfast.  
Lily's voice from upstairs snapped her out of her reverie. "Gracie,   
would you please go make sure Eli's awake?"  
  
Grace rolled her eyes. "Mom! Why do I have to? I'm not his parent!"  
  
"C'mon honey, just do it. I'm running late for work and Rick left   
already."  
  
Grace sighed and threw down her spoon. It had been over a month   
since the "play" incident and she thought she was over it. Eli had   
talked to her and she was cool with it. Especially after Karen's   
accident. That made it seem so insignificant. But, now that Karen   
was coming along ok, she wasn't sure she was cool with it after all.   
She avoided Eli all she could and when they spoke, it was strained.   
Sighing once again, she got up and trudged to the garage. Although   
it was noon on a Saturday, she knew Eli wouldn't be up yet. Rick had   
finally gotten a backbone after the accident and told Eli he either   
got at least a part-time job or he was kicking him out. So, a   
part-time job was exactly what Eli got. VERY part-time. He worked   
four hours a day, five days a week as a stockboy at a grocery store.   
And, even then, he usuall had to be pushed to go.  
She knocked on the door loudly, knowing he wouldn't hear otherwise.   
To her surprise, the door immediately opened a crack and Eli,   
red-eyed, peeked out.  
  
"I was sent to make sure you were up for work" Grace said stiffly.   
She could smell the familiar smoke coming through the crack. Gosh,   
when was Eli NOT high anymore? "Thanks" Eli mumbled and shut the   
door. Grace stared at the closed door. For some reason, she wanted   
to knock again. She was starting to raise her hand, when the door   
shot open again. Eli was in the middle of saying, "Grace, wait" when   
he realized she was still standing there. They both stared at each   
other, startled.   
  
"What?" Grace said, trying to sound casual.   
  
"Why are you still standing there?" Eli said.   
  
"That wasn't what you were going to say" she said, ignoring the   
question.  
  
"Can you come in for a minute?"  
  
"Well, I guess for a minute, but I have to be somewhere soon" she   
said, a little too snobbish. Eli ignored it and opened the door   
wider so she could get in. As soon as she stepped in, her senses   
were assaulted with the smell of smoke and dirty laundry. Wrinkling   
her nose in disgust, she grimaced, "Oh, yuck, Eli. Real nice. Can I   
leave this door open?" Eli glared at her through his red-rimmed eyes   
and said, "And they call me stupid! If you leave the door open, the   
smell will probably go towards the house which is NOT something I   
want. Now, if your highness will get off her high horse for a   
minute, I'll make this quick." The minute he said it and saw the   
look on Grace's face, he was sorry. But she sure didn't need to be   
so rude to him either. Softening his voice he said, "I need you to   
go in the house and get me some eyedrops and mouthwash." He added,   
"Please" as he saw her face harden. "I guess so" she said   
reluctantly, "Hang on a minute."  
When she got back in the house, she hollered to see if her mom was   
still there. There was no answer. Relieved, she ran upstairs to get   
the things out of her mom's bathroom. As she turned to walk out, she   
almost collided with Lily. Grace stifled a scream.  
  
"Mom! I thought you had left!"  
  
"I'm just heading out. I was up in the attic getting some earrings   
Jessie borrowed from me." Looking at the items Grace was holding,   
Lily raised an eyebrow. "Where are you taking these, honey?"  
  
"Oh, just to the main bathroom", Grace said, trying to be calm.  
  
"I don't mind if you use our bathroom."  
  
"I know. But, all the rest of my stuff is in the other one. It's   
just more convenient. Don't worry, I'll bring it back."  
  
"Well, that's fine, but are you sure you're ok?"  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"You don't usually need eyedrops."  
  
"Oh......my hay fever's making them itchy."  
  
"Well, ok. I just wanted to make sure." She still looked at Grace   
quizzically.  
  
"Mom, will you please quit being such a worry-wart? I'm fine and   
you're going to be late to work." At the mention of work, Lily   
snapped out of it. "Oh gosh, Grace. You're right. I'll be home   
later. Take care." She gave Grace a quick kiss and ran downstairs.  
For what seemed like the hundredth time, Grace let out her breath in   
a big sigh and ran to the garage. She was about to give Eli a piece   
of her mind, but the look of appreciation on his face made her   
decide not to. "Thanks, Grace. You're a lifesaver. I really can't   
lose this job no matter how much it sucks."  
As Eli ran to the sink, Grace stood there watching him. Why could   
she not quit feeling the way she did everytime he smiled at her? It   
was pathetic. She had decided since the play that the only feelings   
he had for her were brotherly and she needed to knock it off. But,   
it didn't seem to matter whenever he smiled, which wasn't very often   
since the accident and Rick's ultimatum. She shook her head to snap   
out of it and looked around the room. It really did need to be   
cleaned before mom and Rick saw it.  
While she was looking around, Eli turned and saw her. He hadn't even   
realized she was still there and it caught him off guard. He found   
himself just watching her. She was thinking hard about something--he   
could tell because she had that small wrinkle between her eyebrows.   
Before he knew it, he had almost walked over to smooth it out with   
his fingertips. But, just then, her eyes focused on him and the look   
was gone. The stared at each other for just a moment and then Grace,   
with a visible shrug, said, a little hoarsely, "So, how come you and   
the band haven't had any gigs lately?" Eli shook his head and said,   
"I don't know. The guys have been pretty busy lately and I'm not as   
into it as I used to be." Grace stared in disbelief. "Not as into   
it?!?! Eli, who are you trying to fool? Music is your life!" Eli's   
face darkened angrily and he looked away. "Well it isn't anymore!"  
  
"Since when?"  
  
Practically screaming, Eli said, "I don't want to talk about it   
Grace! It just isn't, ok?" He scowled angrily and stalked out the   
door.  
Grace, feeling hurt and confused, picked up the bathroom stuff and   
went back to the house.  
____________________________________________________  
  
Late that night, Grace was awakened by sounds in the backyard. She   
laid there a moment, trying to decide if it had just been part of   
her dream--a wonderful dream that included Eli, much to her   
embarassment. No, there it was again. Fearfully, she crept to her   
window and peeked through the curtains. In the moonlight, she could   
see a figure digging under one of the trees. As she watched, whoever   
it was put a large object in the hole and covered it over. Then, as   
the moonlight picked up the profile, Grace could see it was Eli. Now   
that she realized it wasn't some crazy person, she was extremely   
curious to know what Eli was up to. She crept quietly down the   
stairs and out the back door. Eli's back was to her. She cleared her   
throat and he turned around with a jerk.   
  
She had been planning on asking him what he was doing.  
  
That was the plan.  
  
Until she saw the tears making paths through the dirt on his face   
and the question died on her lips. 


	2. The Music Of His Heart-Chpt. 2

Eli angrily wiped the tears off his face.  "Why are you out here?  Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I was asleep until all the noise you were making woke me up.  What are you doing?"

Eli looked around like he suddenly remembered what he was doing.  "Well, I'm done makin' noise, so go back to bed."

Grace noticed he was swaying slightly on his feet and slurring his words.  "Are you high again, Eli?"

"Yeah I am.  So what?  I'm drunk too, if it's any business of yours.  I figure if I'm gonna be a screw up, I might as well go all the way."

"Eli, shhhh, you're gonna wake up everyone else."

"Good!"  Eli was practically screaming now.  "Maybe they'll kick me out too.  Or, better yet, they can call the cops and have me arrested!"

"C'mon Eli, let's get you back to your room", she said, taking a step forward and trying to sound calm. 

"Quit talking to me like I'm a baby, Grace.  Oh, I forgot.  That's how you talk to everyone you think is beneath you, which is pretty much everyone except your precious teacher."

Before she could stop herself, Grace reached out and slapped Eli hard across the face.  For a moment, she thought he was going to hit her back, but then he just turned slowly around and stumbled back to the garage.  "Eli, wait.  I'm sorry" she called out, but he just shut the door behind him.  She stood there for a minute, not sure what to do.  Then, she remembered the reason she had come out to begin with.  Walking over to the pile of dirt, she bent down to get a better look at the poorly buried object.  The moonlight picked up something shining and she could tell it was Eli's guitar.  As she reached down to uncover it, to try and somehow save it, she realized there was no way, for Eli had smashed it to pieces before he brought it out to bury it.  And, as she pulled the pieces out, one by one so no one would find them in the morning, Grace realized she too was crying, although she didn't know why.  She took off her housecoat, put the pieces on it, and carried the bundle back to her room where she hid it in the back of her closet.  After washing her hands and splashing cool water on her face, she went back to bed.  It was 1:30.

At 3:30, Grace sighed angrily and punched her pillow.  Sleep just wasn't happening.  There were too many thoughts in her head.  Why had Eli done that to his guitar?  His music was what made him come alive.  And was he right when he had said what he did about her and Mr. Dimitri?  And, she sighed again, why did she care so much what he thought and what was going on with him?  "Maybe some warm milk will make me sleepy" she thought.  When she got to the kitchen, she glanced out the back door.  Eli's light was still on.  "He's probably passed out," she thought scornfully.  All the same, she found herself quietly sneaking out the door and going to the garage.  She tapped lightly on the door and was startled when it opened slightly with a creak.  Peering inside, she could tell Eli wasn't in bed.  "Eli?" she called softly, but there was no answer.  Feeling more bold and a little worried as well, she pushed the door open the rest of the way.  There, face down on the floor, lay Eli.  With panic coursing through her whole body, Grace ran to him. 


	3. The Music Of His Heart-Chpt. 3

Grace struggled to turn Eli over.  As she did, to her relief, Eli moaned and his eyes fluttered open.  "Eli, are you ok?"  It took him a minute to focus.  "I guess so.  What happened?"  "I think you must have passed out," Grace said, the relief showing in her voice.  Eli tried to sit up, only to lay back down again with a groan.  "You know what?" he said with his eyes shut.  "What?" she said.  "Now I remember why I stopped drinking."  Grace gave a small chuckle, which brought his eyes open again.  "What are you doing here anyway?"  Grace, embarrassed, stuttered, "Umm…I saw your light was on and I was just going to shut it off so mom and Rick wouldn't yell at you about wasting electricity.  Here, let me help you up."  Eli decided to take her help this time, since he really didn't want to stay on the floor.  They slowly got up together and made their way to the bed.  As he started to sit down, sickness rose in his throat and he stumbled to the bathroom as quickly as he could and slammed the door.  Grace, trying hard to ignore the sounds coming from the bathroom, started straightening up his bed.  When she went to throw some tissues away, she noticed papers with music notes on them in the garbage.  She pulled a couple out.  On the one the words "The Music of My Heart" were written and that was it.  The next one had a few notes, but no lyrics.  She could tell the other papers were the same.  As she heard the water running, she hastily threw them away and sat on the bed.

Eli came out looking pale and sheepish.  "And that's the other reason I stopped drinking."  He groaned, flopped on the bed, and looked at her with one eyebrow cocked.  Suddenly, Grace realized her housecoat was still in her closet with the remains of Eli's guitar.  The nightgown she was wearing was long, but sleeveless and kind of sheer.  Eli seemed to realize why the flush had come into her cheeks and he said, "You can go if you want to.  I'll be ok."  "Actually," she said, "Do you just have something I can cover up with?"  Surprised, Eli said, "Um…sure.  There's a flannel shirt of mine there on the couch."  "Thanks, " Grace said, going over to get it.  As she bent over the couch, the light from the lamp formed a golden halo around her hair.  As he looked down, he could see the shape of her breasts and legs through the thin material.  Swallowing hard, he forced himself to look at the ceiling. 

Grace wrapped the shirt around her and turned around.  Eli was lying there looking at the ceiling.  She was suddenly aware that he had removed his shirt in the bathroom and her eyes traveled from his chest down to where the waistband of his sweatpants began.  He looked at her then and she blushed furiously.  "Um, if you're sure you're gonna be ok, maybe I should go."  Eli smiled slightly.  "Yeah, I will be, but can you come here for a minute?"  She slowly walked over to the bed.  "Sit down.  Please."  After she sat, he said, "I'm sorry about what I said earlier.  I was really drunk and high"

"It's ok," she said stiffly.

"I can tell it isn't, Grace."

"Well, I can't help wondering if you were right."

"Grace, I'm never right about anything.  There's no reason I would be now.  Besides, obviously I act like a baby, so you might as well treat me like one."

"Eli, you do not.  I think you're just really unhappy right now."

"Ya think?" he said sarcastically.

"Why did you do that to your guitar?"

Suddenly defensive, Eli said, "I don't wanna talk about it.  You better go to bed."

Angrily, Grace said, "Now who's treating who like a baby, Eli?  Don't shut me out."

Eli looked like he wanted to argue, then the fire left his eyes.  He shrugged.  "I figured, what's the use?  Even when my life was at its worst, I still had my music.  Now all I have is a title."

"What's the title?" Grace asked, already knowing the answer.

He shut his eyes.  For a minute, she thought he wasn't going to answer her.  "The Music of My Heart."

"Well, that sounds like a good title to me."

"Yeah, except it's all I have and it's all I've had for three weeks now."

"Maybe you just have writer's block."

"No Grace," Eli gritted his teeth.  "What I have is a drugged up brain and nothing to inspire me anymore.  It's over. The one thing I was good at, the one thing I thought might make me a success is gone."  He moaned.  "Here we go again," he said, getting up and charging to the bathroom.

Grace stared at the door.  She couldn't believe he felt this way.  He really was talented and he needed to be assured of it.  She yawned and looked at the clock.  4:30!  Yawning again, she leaned back on the bed.  "I'll just wait here long enough to tell him it's just a phase and then I'll go to bed."

A few minutes later, Eli emerged from the bathroom and found Grace sound asleep.  Smiling, he went over and started to wake her up.  The shirt had fallen open and he could see a creamy expanse of skin rising and falling with her breathing.  With his own breathing becoming rather ragged, he forced himself to pull the shirt together and fasten a couple of the buttons.  Then he went back in the bathroom, but this time for a cold shower.

When he came out, he started to lie down on the couch, deciding not to bother Grace.  "This happened before, that night we got high together so it isn't a big deal," he told himself.  Then, before he really knew what he was doing, he walked over to he bed and brushed some stray hair from her forehead.  Her skin felt cool to his touch and he bent down and brushed his lips lightly over the coolness.  She didn't even stir.  He looked at her for a minute and he knew without a doubt he needed the comfort of another body for what was left of the night.  Slowly, he crawled in, careful not to touch her.  Sighing, he closed his eyes and finally slept. 


	4. The Music Of His Heart-Chpt. 4

The Music of His Heart—Chapter 4

The first thing Eli was aware of was light dawning through his eyelids…that and something else…the faintest memories of a tune, almost forgotten.  He knew as soon as he opened his eyes it would be gone, so he lay still, trying to ease it back into his consciousness.  Then, as he felt something brush across his chin, his eyes opened with a jolt and the last traces of it were gone.  He had bigger things to worry about anyway, now that his eyes were open.  Like the jackhammer in his temples and the nausea eating at his stomach.  And, as her hair brushed across his chin once more, the fact that Grace was curled up in the crook of his arm, her head on his chest, sound asleep.  Even the heady aroma of her shampoo—a cross between lavender and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on—couldn't stop how horrible he felt.  

Grace stretched in her sleep and a groan escaped her lips.  Suddenly, his head wasn't the only thing throbbing.  "What the hell is wrong with me?"  Eli thought, as he slowly slid out from under her and off the bed.  "Nothing.  Nothing at all.  It's just the usual morning thing, that's all."  He stumbled to the bathroom for some aspirin and a cold shower.

When the shower turned on, Grace slowly woke up, disoriented.  "I must have fallen asleep waiting for Eli.  What's taking him so long?"  Then, she realized with a shock, there was daylight streaming through the window.  She stared at the clock in disbelief.  7AM!  "Oh my gosh!  I have to get back to my room."  She stood up, charged out of the garage and into the house.  As she was opening the door, Lily walked into the kitchen.  "Grace!  What were you doing outside at this time of the morning?"

"Oh….um…I was just getting the paper."

Lily put her hands on her hips and half-smiled.  "Then, where's the paper, honey?"

Grace stuttered and ran her fingers through her hair.  "Oh.  Right.  The paper.  I don't have the paper do I?  Heh, heh.  Silly me.  I must not be very awake yet."  She turned around, banged into the half-open door in her haste, and stumbled back outside.

Lily shook her head and sighed.  "Teenagers."

Grace came back a minute later with the paper.  "Here mom.  I'm gonna go take a shower."  As she turned to go, Lily said, "I don't remember ever having seen that shirt before, Grace.  Where did it come from?"  Grace's hand flew up to the collar of Eli's shirt.  She had completely forgotten she was wearing it.  "Oh this old thing?  I just threw it on because it was kinda cold."  

"Why didn't you just put on your housecoat?"

Thinking about the housecoat currently stuffed in her closet holding the remains of Eli's guitar, Grace said, "Oh mom, I don't know.  Quit giving me the third degree.  I just got up."  She stomped out of the room.

Once again, Lily shook her head.  "I don't think I will ever EVER understand that girl."


End file.
